literature

Tears in my eyes

Deviation Actions

Faolon-Wolf-Cub's avatar
Published:
141 Views

Literature Text

I am standing here listening to the noise of a voice yelling at me
Standing in my house, I feel like I’m in a cage unable to be set free
I storm to my room with the voice following me, I slam the door
I sit on my bed close to tears but then I feel dizzy and I fall on the floor

I am conscious but I’m boring my eyes out, tears are running down my face
I open my door and dash down stairs and out the front door like I’m in a race
Voices are following shouting, “Come back or there will be trouble!”
I kept running, I felt the tears fly off my face, I ran past the house in a pile of rubble.

I came to a place with 2 beautiful horses but the owner had been gone for years
They both come over and one allows me ride them bareback, I felt as if I had no fears
They both ran towards the river, where I planned something that I knew
The horses seemed to understand my pain as there were only a few

We ran for 2 hours straight, we’d reached the river and I climbed off the horse’s back
I walked towards the water and sat on the bank. Across the river was a small shack
Looking into the water, I pulled out a shiny sharp blade. I ran it down my cheek
The horses saw the blade but they were calm, it was strange that they didn’t freak

The stallion stood there watching me. I stood up and turned to face the horse
‘You must understand that this is my choice, that my pain made me take this course.’
He look me in the eyes as the other one did so. The other laid down and fell still
She didn’t move, she knew that this was my choice and that I had a will

I pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, I began to write a letter to the voice
I asked the horse remaining to take the letter to the family as it was my choice
The horse understood and waited for me to finish my letter of great pain
I didn’t know how to start but then I knew, I began writing before it began to rain

________________________________________________________________________
To the voice of my pain, I am dearly sorry for trouble but there’s no love
I am leaving the ground level and into the light of the floors above
The horses helped me with the pain that you’ve given me
In that house, felt like a dog trying to escape and be free

I need a place to feel like home and not like I’m in a cage
Your screams are noisy and the reason for the damage is your rage
Your death stare scares me, you scare me, and I can’t put up with it
I don’t expect you to understand but please take a seat and sit

The voices in my head are races around like crazy chickens in a coop
I feel like a big fish trying to squeeze through a small ring-like hoop
Can’t escape, no room to move, only my rock to hide under in the tank
A large slippery rock that you put in my life to way me down and I sank

The point is that I am going to leave and never come back to that place
This not a stupid decision, it’s not a homicide or an unsolved case
My choice and it’s my life, you won’t be able to hurt me anymore, I am done
I didn’t want to stay, you won’t be in my life anymore but that’s actually no one

The horror has no end but I am willing to accept what I am about to do¬
I won’t be any more painful than what you’ve done, I am not doing this for you
I am doing this for everyone who has ever done me wrong, the clock won’t chime
You and others can celebrate my time gone, but you will be celebrating a long time

I have already had enough pain to last a lifetime and it’s become too much for me
I want to be who I want because I’m not going to the person you want me to be
I am leaving you and everyone whoever “cared” about me and be gone forever
You’re not here or there to stop me from doing this and I bet that no one would ever.

I am saying goodbye to the pain of the past by getting rid of my presence in this place
I’m going to go and you won’t be able to stop me from this, I couldn’t tell you face to face
I couldn’t tell you that I am leaving because you’d just yell at me like all the rest
I wish you could understand but I guess this is it and it’s probably for the best

I signed it and folded the piece of paper and gave it to the stallion to take
I could be certain that this time wasn’t a hoax and that it wasn’t fake
The stallion dashed off with mud flicking behind him and his flowing mane
His coat shined, his scars showed for his pain like myself which seemed to be the main

It was most like the main reason he was here to show that I can be strong even with the pain
But I couldn’t stand it anymore, I’m not strong like him, not anymore. The clouds gathered and it began to rain
The black stallion return and stood by as I walked to the edge of the river
I removed my coat and all of a sudden I fell cold and began to shiver

I pulled out my blade and slit my hand, blood faded in the water of the rain
I whispered to myself, “I am going to do this... I am never going to return again…”
The stallion’s eyes looked into mine as if saying that I should stop and think
But I couldn’t and then he looked deeply into my eyes and he didn’t blink

He looked as if he was reading my memories, he stood back
Bowing his head, he looked as if he was praying, the was light in the shack
I ignored it though and lifted the blade to rid myself from this time
It felt as if was the wrong thing but it didn’t feel like a crime

The stallion lifted his head and looked at me with his gentle eyes
“You don’t have to do this…I am here for you, don’t listen to their nasty cries
“My scars are from what you are going to do, I tried to take away
“But all it did was make things worse but somehow the best way…”

I didn’t understand what he was saying but I could tell he didn’t want this
But I did, I wanted to do this, they did, nobody would care and neither would they miss
I turned towards the river and lifted the bloody blade to my heart-thumping chest
I closed my eyes because it helps, I drew a little blood but I couldn’t do the rest

I dropped to my knees and began to well up with tears and began to cry
I wanted to go but I didn’t want to leave the ones who actually would try
I couldn’t stay, I needed to stay for something I had no reason to stay
My choice was to go but I couldn’t do it, I looked at the blade and the stallion was in pray

He prayed that I stay and that my family wouldn’t treat me so badly from this day
I could tell he wanted me to stay but this… it seemed like it was the only way
The blade was covered in blood from my hand, I stared into the river at my reflection
I have seen pain and this time nobody would return, no turning back, no resurrection

Running from the pain that I’ve endured and able withstand the extra pain from today
I will run until can’t anymore, I will run tomorrow, I ran yesterday and I will each day
I will run but not hide, I jump but not crawl, and I will yell but not scream, I will race to see the sun
I can’t turn back, I can only keep going, I can’t hurt you, I can only forgive, and all there is to run

I’m done with the life that I have, I’m done with all the pain, and I am never going to reach the finish line
I won’t see the sun again, I won’t see the moon, and I won’t be able to the faces of the people who are in reign
I can’t be pulled out of this because it’s my choice, you can’t tell me that it’s wrong
I’ve held on long enough, but this has pushed me and my hands slip, you can’t come along

The stallion walked over and look me in the eyes, “My friend, if this is your choice then you should know
“That I’m coming with you, my time is up anyway, if you go I will, close your eyes and let’s go
“Let’s go to the place of great light, I asked the Lord to take us there even though the bible says
“That we should travel straight down to hell, he has forgiven us and will accept our ways…”

I looked at him, I smiled and lifted the blade once more, and we both closed our eyes
We listened for the noises of the voices screaming for us but nothing, no one cries
The stallion had already gone and he was floating down the river, his soul travelling to above
He nodded and waited for me to come as well, I life the blade and pierced the soft skins of no love

Blood was on the floor, the river ran red, the skies darkened, the wind blew gently through the trees
We both felt as if it was the right choice and the Lord said that he accept our choice and agrees
To this day our lives are better and we help the most wounded to this beautiful place we call home
Our story became legend and now we ride around the earth like ghosts, but we have to go home…
© 2014 - 2024 Faolon-Wolf-Cub
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In